Thursday, August 13, 2009


The bright beam of sunlight made its way through my eyelids. But it didn't hurt me. It was not that scorching as I had thought. The world around me is getting much more clearer now. I have started stepping out of my dreamland. It's only that, it took me 24 years to be awakened. Perhaps , I didn't want myself to be awakened before. I feared the scorching heat outside. People around me, who cared for me, thought me to be too delicate to face the rogue world, so did I.

But now, I am awakened (not fully I must say). The world out of my dreams, is not that bad and ugly. I could now see the silver lining of the dark clouds. I now know that there is the bright, glowing sun behind. The dream world was undoubtedly, safer and comfortable, but it was certain that I could no longer keep myself cocooned in it. The long sleep had come to an end, making its way to a "new beginning".

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Heart vs Mind

"I can't live without you" says my heart

"Why can't I?" says my mind

"I want to meet you" says my heart

"Ignore" says my mind

"I want to talk to you" prompts my heart

"Put the phone back" shouts my mind

"I want to listen to you" urges my heart

"Why should I?" dictates my mind

"I want to care for you" says my heart

"No need" says my mind

I want to think about you” whispers my heart

No time to think” scolds my mind

You have struck a fight

between my heart and mind

Now tell me whom to listen

my heart or my mind.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


You may call me selfish and self-centered. I can sleep peacefully when my fellow countrymen suffer at the other corner. I belong to that group of citizen who keep an eye on the daily news on the newspaper and shed some word or two in consolation and analysis. Perhaps avoid reading and listening to them when the massacre is too bloody. Their pain and tears doesn't pierce my heart. Their loss doesn't make me cry. Their sorrow doesn't jolt my emotions.

I am only concerned with my lot. I feel the pain only when my family is in trouble. I spend sleepless nights when my mother doesn't keep well. Otherwise I'm happy and complacent with my life, totally unmoved by the world around.

Does that mean I'm not patriotic? Does that mean I should be ashamed to call myself an Indian?

But I have something to say. I'm not the only one. You may call it a lame excuse, but this is the truth. Unless it happens to our family we do nothing more than sparing some hours in watching the news and discussing the tragedy with colleagues. Perhaps we think we can do nothing more than this and head for a new day as if nothing has changed. We avoid thinking of it and wish that it never happens to us or to our family. I petty myself and those who are like me.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Matlab,... too good....

---------------------------------------------------------- Words seemed to have abandoned me. As if I've lost my voice. Heart seemed to have stopped beating. For I couldn't feel it beating except for some occasional irregular bounces. I realized perhaps I've forgot to close my mouth for it was open ajar, from when I don't really remember. Widely opened eyes adulated the figure before me. I was so engulfed and intoxicated that I could feel nothing but a strange sensation. It's difficult to put this sensation in words. It changed and camouflaged with the emotions before me. Sometimes it emerged as a piercing pain in my throat, the one that you get when you try hard to stop your tears. While the other times it set my feet tapping and head jerking with the music in the air.

If you are wondering what left be so intoxicated, then let me clear the air. I had been to see Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi at INOX on the very first day of year 2009. It would be incomplete if I don't let you know that this was my first ever movie in a commercial theatre. I think this would enable you to understand my feelings better. I was spellbound by the total experience. Dumbstruck.....

It was dark when we stepped into this new world. The world that is way different from the world outside. To my great relief, I didn't miss a single second of the movie inspite of being late by nearly 7-8 minutes. I thanked God and occupied my seat. It started with the camera focused on an ignobly dressed character emerging from a train. It was Shahrukh Khan, whom I adulate these days. His eternal image before me heaved my heart couple of inches upwards. I wanted to clap out my joy, but my mind dictated to behave myself. It has often happened that movies which people found boring and disgusting, have been found interesting and great by me. You may petty my choice, but it's true. Same was with RNBDJ. The more people discouraged me to watch, the more I knew I would like it. And it happened so. It totally took a toll on me. I experienced every emotion possible. Loved and adored the character Surinder Sahni, while developed ultimate disgust for the character Raj. Laughted at the unsophisticated and innocent gestures by Surinder Sahni. Felt the similar emotional turmoil deep in my heart as the character on the gigantic screen.Before I could realize the span of time I've been in there, it came to an end. It was an experience out of the world. I kept nodding my head with just three words to express my instant feeling, the moment I came out of the theatre, "matlab, ....too good...". Now and then I kept repeating these words failing to manage some more exotic words to express my true feelings.

Really, it was "matlab, ... too good...". I would say "Hu ha" as per IIT Kgp lingo. Perhaps it will take days to overcome this exhilarating experience and come to my normal life. But I thought this post would remind me of this special experience, years after it has faded from my memory.