Saturday, December 27, 2008
My wishes are not that difficult to fulfil. I just want to watch a Shahrukh Khan movie in a theatre. You must be thinking, how can this be someones dream? it's such a regular thing. You must have seen loads of them. But to tell you the truth, I have never seen a movie in a commercial theatre. I want to feel the moment. The moment when Shahrukh's voice would echo in the air as if he's some where near me. The moment when he would dance with joy. I would experience the moment when he would twitch his face in pain and shed tears in grief screening his personality in my eyes and heart. Am I sounding like typical Shahrukh maniacs? Well if you feel so then I must tell you I'm not those who go crazy for him. I'm just like any other person with the dream of getting mesmerised by my favourite hero on the silver screen.
I don't really know when I'll be actually watching Shahrukh Khan right in front of me playing some character like "Rahul" or "Surinder Sahani" or "Kabir Khan", but I promise to tell you my experience the day my wish comes true.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Making no sense of what I'm talking about, is it???...Well, let me clear the air.
Ever since I've been in Bangalore, I've waited for the moment when I would be back home. Life in Bangalore seems like the dreadful fog. With nothing around to claim as mine. People, culture, food and language. Leaves me blind and helpless among strangers. 3rd of October was the day which raised hope. This was the day I would fly to my own land among my own people.The days passed by to make way for this long awaited day and finally it was Friday, 3rd of October.
Friends and colleagues had already stuffed me with all possible knowledge and information about flight and airport formalities (Heartiest thanks to them). Reached office early to clock in some time but frankly speaking hardly could concentrate on what I did. The excitement of going back home soon turned to a strange nervousness. My heart dribbled with sweating of my palms and ears steaming red hot. "Calm down, it'll be OK", I repeated to comfort myself. Escorted by two of my friends I left my office bidding good byes to some more of them, to get the bus to the airport. While the bus headed towards the airport , i made some quick calls at home to ensure that I'm on my way.
Checking in was not of much hassle. The hour long wait for the flight resulted in encounter with some weird personalities. It was raining heavily outside and I could sense my heart quivering already. An announcement echoed in the hall and everyone rushed towards the door. I wasn't nervous now but could feel my heart shift couple of inches upwards. Took my seat in the plane as directed by the air hostess. It was the isle seat which made me uncomfortable with people walking up and down. I pushed myself back into my seat and fastened my seat belt as securely as possible. The plane started to move and as I managed to peep outside we were angling our way into the clouds. A halt at Chennai airport gave me the much awaited window seat with an aged lady to my left.
The next two hours were an experience of lifetime. The scene outside my window couldn't be expressed in words. Orange sea of clouds with some gray ones popping among them like rocks. Distant sun rays sieved through the darker clouds. Streaks of golden light flooded over the orange sea.It was calm yet so mesmerizing. Soon someone spilled much darker shades of orange and later black.
It was almost time for landing. I peeped out this time to look deep down. The city of Kolkata dazzled like a clear black night sky with millions of stars. Perhaps much more than that. Twinkling lights filled in the black canvas as far as eyes could go.The plane hovered over "Bengali" sky for sometime and then headed straight down to a perfect landing. As my feet stepped on the turf I strange feeling engulfed me. I wanted to cry and probably laugh. I wanted to jump and shout aloud. My heart hammering hard in my chest. My eyes stuck on the huge glowing sign which read "NETAJI SUBHAS CHANDRA BOSE AANTORJATIK BIMAN BONDOR" in bengali. I was home (on my own land). I felt something warm trickling down the corners of my eyes. Perhaps nobody noticed.Clutching my bag I walked into the bus. My heart still quivering and mind managing to mask my feeling with a serious and emotionless face. This feeling will only be mine till my death and even when I'm gone....
Saturday, August 23, 2008
The mirror never reflects what you feel.
The mirror never shows your golden heart.
Then why do you believe that the image in the mirror is you.
The mirror only shows what want you to become
The mirror tells you that you are still not perfect
But it never prompts that no one can be perfect
Then why do you believe that the image in the mirror is you.
The mirror never portrays the way you would laugh at jokes
The mirror never screens the way you would cry when hurt
The mirror never shows the way you treat others
Then why do you believe that the image in the mirror is you.
So next time when you stare at the image in your mirror
Think again, if it is you standing face to face?
Did the mirror reveal the "actual" you?
Did the mirror unveil your beautiful soul?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
you wanted to share your happiness.
But you never realized.
I was just next to you,
with wet eyes waiting for your soft words.
But my tears never touched you.
I was just there when
you wanted someone to hold your hand.
But you never reached out for.
I was always around you,
but you never felt my existence.
For I never tried to tell you,
how it feels to be invisible.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I got a sight of just the tip of the ice-berg. My excitement and relief soon turned pale. Now the concern to come up with relevant results engulfed me. Ticking time haunted even more. But this is how it is in corporate world. Each second counts and you need to deliver the best. The work seemed endless and of course exhaustive. At times I felt may be I'm in the wrong court. Trying to spot a place without an address in this universe.
But I never felt frustrated. This is the quality I like the most about me. My will power to never give up until the final goal is achieved. So I kept working on it, till came out with "the desired result".
Mission Accomplished !!!!
Never give up. Fight till the end. There's nothing that you can't do. Believe in yourself.Patience and will power is the key. There's no alternative to hard work.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Initially it felt awesome to see extravagant Malls and luxurious apartments around. But at the same time swirling the way between the cars to cross the road many a times a day made life miserable. South Indian food made life difficult and add to it the gigantic cost of every thing you reach out to buy.
People say the climate of Bangalore is pleasant and I fully agree to it. That's the reason one never feels worn out. You could see flamboyant people around. People of all class and status. From mini skirt wearing hot girls to religious south indian ladies with the typical orange and white flowers on their hair. Temple , Mosque and Church in close proximity encourage vivid cultural and religious diversity. People here are pretty good and helpful.
Had a couple of experiences with the infamous Bangalore auto wallahs. Have heard much about their "Customer Care" before coming to Bangalore. They never hesitate to charge you fare out of this world. Even if you are eager to pay that, they are much reluctant to take you to your destination.
Haven't managed to go around in the city much. But the place, Koramangala, Bangalore , which I was talking about till now, is great ( not as great as I.I.T campus Kharagpur)
Monday, May 12, 2008
Well... I was aware of it and didn't bother to thank her. Because I couldn't find anything special about the day. It was as usual like the other days. She was busy making breakfast when I woke up like every other day and went to bed like every other night thanking God for the day. The day had nothing in the air which would make me feel that I should wish my mom. How inhuman and selfish I am , isn't it?
But thanking my mother doesn't require a date which is decided by someone I don't know. Why should I celebrate Mothers' Day on May 11 th ? Do I really have enough words to thank her? Thank her for all that she has done for me. The pain she has taken to see me today in a position where I can take care of myself ( that's what I think , probably not she). She deserves my happiness more than my wishes on a selected date. I would thank her on that special day when I'll get my first hard earned salary. That will be the moment I'd first like to share with my mom. Because that's the day when I'll wake up and find every thing much pleasant around me. That will be the day when I'll celebrate Mother's Day and thank her every thing.
However tough I may pretend to be but I can't stand the very moment. My eyes start burning and I can feel tears pouring into them from the corners. My throat seems to choke. My mind dictates my heart that I should not get this melodramatic after all I'm a big girl now. I should control my emotions. In an attempt to do so , I can sense the hard hammering deep down my chest. But I cleverly mask them with a smile on my face and a fake impression that I'm a sturdy person who have hardly got any emotion.
Why do we need to say good-byes ? Why can't we avoid these moments ? My mask is thinning out and I'll no longer be able to covert my emotions.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
But it seems , things have changed. This philosophy of life seems mere "old bookish lines" meant to tell young kids at their primary level. Today working hard isn't enough to succeed. You need the X-factor what they call now. Sincerity , efficiency and dedication is being overshadowed by the moments of deceptive manifestations. The end results matter , no matter how you have achieved them.
So, what should I do? Morph myself to adapt the changing world? Do what most people around me does? Or keep on working hard with all my dedication, efficiency and sincerity? But one thing is for sure, I want to succeed without bearing a trace of guilt in my heart that I have got what I didn't genuinely deserve.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
My friends would have loved to see what happened next. I almost jumped on my seat to see the rest of the serial ,since I didn't want to miss the scene of the hero playing pranks on the heroine. But could hardly enjoy it. PKC , SB, DM together in my panel made me rush to the study room as soon as the serial ended. I stormed through my old copies and got a few to have a look for my preparation of the "GV". I , who would have otherwise engulfed two more serials , now started revising Statiscal Mechaniscs with much effort to understand what the copy produced. A hour of brushing of the important looking formulae , brought back my lost confidence. But by then , my friends succeed in what they wanted. I was being a FOOL, all this time.
Later that night, I talked to some more class mates regarding this piece of information to confirm and came to know that it was just a "APRIL FOOL HOAX".
I knew from the day before that , the only thing that I can be fooled on the April Fool's Day was the dreadful GV. My friends managed to fool me inspite of me being aware of the fact. But Alas !!! couldn't see me panic and being fooled....
This is for them to enjoy....
N.B: I would like to thank my friends for this prank because they gave me the thrust that I needed to start my preparation for the GV. It's been long since I wanted to start my preparation but couldn't get the tempo. You all helped me to kick off. THANX
Sunday, March 30, 2008
These words hammers on my heart. I strange feeling engulfs me. As if my life's going to change to something I'm scared of. More than being happy about the forthcoming transition , I'm desperate to hold this moment tight, so as to stop it from passing out of my grip. It's not because the dreadful "Grand Viva" is at the door, not because the final M.Sc project presentation is drawing near. It's because , all of a sudden the warm kharagpur, seems so pleasant. Each street , the trees , the sky over the Tata steel complex seems all mine. It reminds me that I'll not be here after a few months.
My sister once told me "When you'll leave this campus then you'll realize its charm"... I can feel every word of it now. This place , which has nothing like shopping complex or city like amusement parks , has peace and serenity. The assurance that you are safe within its strong walls. The warm feeling of being known and loved , and hated may be...
So, every time someone reminds me of the short time I've got to spend in this campus , I feel like running away or scream on top of my voice so as to stop those unbearable words coming into my ears. This doesn't happen though, and I stand there listening with a fake smile on my face with my heart hammering hard in my chest.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
I'm a big girl now,
But when it hurts my heart
I tried a number of times
to make my tears invisible
but when it hurts my heart
I can't stop my tears.
I sit in a corner unnoticed
with tears dropping on my lap
But , I wipe them off quickly
'coz Mom said no one should see me cry.
But I really wanted to cry
and wished someone to come
and sit beside me with a soft voice
asking "What happened ?"
Mom said, the one who
can wipe your invisible tears
is your "true friend".
So,I'll try to make my tears invisible....
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Look into the world. Glaring bright light dazzles the eyes. Blazing heat fight against you with all its might, making it impossible to withstand them. Some struggle their way through this adversity, some fail and others give up. But, the light that blinds you can fill you with astonishment. Let them reach you through the stained glasses. Your darkened corners are enlightened by the mystical rays. These glasses battles with the cruel light outside and bleeds itself to protect you from them. You sit safe behind them to enjoy the colorful display unaware of the outer world. It gives you the illusion that the world beyond these stained glasses are much more wonderful. Years of fight , bleaches out the color and then you are exposed to the heat.
Am, I sounding vague ? Well, then let me make it clear.
Our life starts in these dark rooms , with mild light entering through stained glasses to enlighten our colorless mind and thoughts. Our parents guide and protect us from the scorching and biting outer world like these stained glasses. They fight against all odds to provide us a safe and happy shelter. They let the happiness and joy reach us absorbing the sorrows and worries themselves. Its a majestic and enigmatic life cherished with their protecting charm to keep you away from the bestial world. You love and care for them.
But slowly, our parents grow old. Their colors wear off. Prolonged fight makes them tired and enervated. They need support and much more care. It's our duty then, to do what they've done for us. Render them love , care and affection. If we aren't there for them, then they'll be exposed to the crippling glare to succumb. So, I feel that, we should think before chasing our own dreams selfishly, because they won't say or let you know that they are exhausted.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
10 Years Later......Conversation between two of my friends.
"Aditi Das , who????"... may be the first question with narrowed eyes in an effort to recollect. "Arre wahi naati si , Chemistry mein thi....yaad aaya...???" ...probably someone might help by this first description of mine. "Chemistry mein.....which batch, kiske batch mein thi???" ...still wandering the memories to find this lost character. "Mohona ke batch mein..." ......"Hmmmm shayad thi koi, thik se yaad nahi aa raha hai abhi bhi..." "wahi jo hamesha oily hairs mein aati thi, baal sar se chipka rehta tha, " ..."Haan , yaad aaya, woh kanjus, kabhi treat nahi deti thi, par humare treats mein aati thi..." ...."Aur bilkul nerd thi, tube light type , padhai ke alawa kuch pata nhai hota tha..." "Regular classes karti thi, bunk bhi nhai marti thi yaar..hadd hai, fifth year mein bhi..." "Aur kya CG badhai thi, 6 point something se 8 point something, usse PhD karna chahiye tha, achhe university mein milta" "Par job karne ke liye pagal thi, frustt kar diya tha sab ko ek saal pehle se, " ...."Campus ke bahar bhi nahi jaati thi, kabhi Kolkata bhi nahi gayi...hehehhehehe" ..."Din raat library jaaygi toh kya hoga.." "Notes ke badle mein treat leti thi..." " Chhoti chhoti baaton mein gussa ho jati thi par bohot bolti thi aur hamesha hansti rehti thi..." "Kitne saare nehli maare the usne, yaar"..."Aur kitna TV dekhti thi, hamesha kuch na kuch serial dekhke khush rehti thi.." "Na SF , na Hall day , kisi mein bhi nahi aati thi"....."Sirf insti , aur ghar ke alawa kahi bhi nahi jati thi, par haan, apne parents ki baat bohot manti thi, har baat mein unka permission leti thi"..."Bohot muggu thi, hardworking bhi, hamesha assignments aur lab work time pe karti thi, kitni baar humne usse jhapa hai ..hehehhehe..."...."Bohot tempo tha usmein padhne ka , research karne ka , pata nahi PhD kyun nahi ki, Prof ban jati...."..."Achha hua nahi ki, warna uske students ki halat kharab ho jati, itni strict teacher, students frustt ho jate ..hahahahahahah...."................and it continued.
At last they could remember me.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
I wanted to fly higher and higher,
I wanted to conquer the world,
I wanted to follow the whispers in my head.
I wanted to dance away my happiness.
But now that I'm free
I feel it difficult to suck in the air,
Cross winds drag me down,
My heart stops me from following the voice of my head,
I'm not happy any more.
I enjoyed the golden bars of my cage,
I loved myself following what I was said,
Because I was cared , loved ,
Because I knew I was safe from the cruel world.
I wish I could be in my safe cage for a bit longer,
Away from the scorching heat outside,
Spend some more time with those who loved me,
I want to be with them and tell them how much I care for them.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
When in grief, if you try to stop them , they are too notorious to cause pain deep down your throat , as if challenging you to let them free. Though they seem to have no weight , but you will find them unbearably heavy on your heart if you keep them suppressed.
When in joy, they spill out without you noticing that they are already dazzling at the corner of your eyes. Your broad smile reflects on the clear drop as it rolls down your cheeks. These, though momentary, express your emmense delight from the unfathomable bottom of your heart.
What you fail to express by words , tears do it for you. They are always with you. In agony , in bliss , in repentace , in hardship, in triumph , in remembrance of deceased near ones. Let them free and they will melt the heavy burden on your heart and make you ready to face the world with new hope and courage.